I am in a funk. I don't want to sew. I don't want to create. I just feel like I can only watch TV for hours on end. Ever since my foot went bad. It was so much energy to do what was necessary after a chuck was taken out of my foot leaving a hole. Why are the sick asked to get in a car and travel to the Doctor? I was getting an antibiotic every other day to stop the infection and I knew for me the journey to the hospital would be over (at least I hoped), but I was amazed at those getting chemo in the chairs next to me. I know from family members that they were getting poison and it made them feel awful. I kept saying to myself that it could always be worse. I could have lost my foot and I was determine to do what was necessary to kept it, but I was breaking under the list of demands.
I have been able to climb out of my funks in the past, but I have no desire to change how I feel. I used to figured there was hope to cling to. I would meet someone that I could trust. I would find a job that I loved or even felt comfortable in. I had hope in these things, but there is no hope anymore, only harsh, cold reality. I haven't wanted to write on this form either because if I try to write a new post off of the top of my head it will be negative. I just don't need that in print.
As for my foot it is still healing. I can't see it. but the chunk that was missing has filled in. I still have an open wound, but it only needs a Band-Aid to cover it. This all started the week before Thanksgiving, now we are going into May and I see no end in sight.
So I thought I would write another dream. I actually have been going through a dream journal that I started in 1997. I wish I was a better writer, but the dreams are filled with such feeling and detail. It amazes me because I haven't ever studied Martial Arts and yet I am an expert. No person can fly, but in my dreams I could. I endured the fear of falling off a building and the vertigo that goes with it. I would startle awake grabbing the bed to stop the falling in my head. I haven't ever had a child and yet I had a dream that I was pregnant and felt the baby move. How? Where is that coming from? And soon after I had a tiny baby girl in a baby carrier, knowing that I had named her blueberry. So very strange. I had a hard time choosing a dream, so I decided to write this one because it happened while I was living here in Virginia. I haven't written it down and it has been more than a year, but I still remember the details. I also decide on this dream because it was so much like an episode of the "Twilight Zone", complete with an ending, so many of my dreams are scenes in the middle of the story. They become complicated to write. Know that I wrote this one so it would be a nice story. This was a dream and not so nicely structured.
The Devil's in the Details
I was flying with my family on a much anticipated vacation. We were able to get a deal on the plane tickets, so everyone in the family was there including wives and children of my brothers. We were able to get such a good price on the plane tickets because it was a trial of a new set of planes from a new airline. We got the discount if we filled out a survey on how the trip compared to others.
The plane was amazing. Instead of the small seats and no leg room the cabin had a section of desks that you could get up and use with every kind of electrical device at one's fingertips. I remember clearly my nephew playing the Nintendo DS and my niece enjoying her favorite cartoons. I was very impressed with the service and as I laid back in a comfy chair I thought all was right with the world and how lucky we were to find this deal.
Suddenly all the electrical devices shut off at the same time. Everyone moaned and my nephew was very upset starting to cry. The flight attendants came in with pens and clipboards. One of them stood in front of the group and explained that in order to continue the electrical services for the phones, computers and other devices they were going to need every person to sign a contract, even the children. The airline needed to be the provider in the sky. I heard a bunch of mumbling as people complained under there breath, but no one protested.
I passed the clipboard on to the others, but did not sign myself. I knew I could handle the hours long trip with the full backpack under my seat. I find airlines are lacking in food, water and entertainment, so I brought my own. (Before the ban on liquids I brought huge bottles of water on board, after the ban I had to buy multiple bottles in the airport. I figured it was a huge scam since the water was three times the price, but I digress.) I wasn't interested in anything the expensive airline put out. I figure if I signed the contract I would find myself with a huge bill later.
So everyone signs, even my family members. I relax into my seat again when a very pretty flight attendant walks over to talk to me.
"Excuse me, Miss" I look in her eyes to acknowledge I hear her. "You didn't sign the contract."
"No, I don't plan on using any of the technology from the airline."
"Are you sure? There are movies and music. How about some exciting video games? They help to make the time fly by. You can't do any of those thing if you don't sign the contract."
"No, I'm not interested. I don't need to sign the contract." I was getting annoyed. I had already said no multiple times.
"Please, my boss will be angry with me." She had a funny look in her eyes so I said back with a sigh.
"Get the contract."
I planned on reading it to see what I was agreeing to. She handed it to me and it was that horrible contract jargon. I slogged through it finding nothing wrong until the bottom. The print was so small I couldn't read what it said. The flight attendant came back to see if I had signed it yet, but I had a question for her.
"I need a copy of this section made bigger, so I can read it."
Then to my surprise she blanched to a sickly white.
"I...I can't do that."
"Then I'm not signing." She looked on the verge of despair. "Okay, I'll get you what you want." This time I watched as she went to the front of the plane and drew that curtain that I always see blocking out first class.
I got up to follow her. Why did she want me to sign the contract so much? I peek through the curtain and was caught off guard to see rows and rows of filing cabinets instead of the usual storage for drinks and food. All of the flight attendants were searching through the filing cabinets. I assumed they were looking for another copy of the contract.
"Tell her we can't find another copy", said another flight attendant. "She needs to sign. She is the only one that hasn't"
"Really," I thought to myself. "The only person on this whole plane that hasn't signed that piece of paper. That is quite amazing."
I backed off down the aisle since I knew she was coming back, when I was boxed in from he other side by another flight attendant. I felt a ridiculous twinge of fear.
"Listen, just sign." The new flight attendant commented with a bit of an order.
"I will when you show me the whole contract." She step into me and grabbed my wrist. The pain shot through my arm and I fell to my knees. I almost missed her threat the pain was taking all my attention. This wasn't happening, not over a phone contract, surely not over a phone contract. The other passengers seemed frozen. They were not helping me. My own family wasn't helping me. The flight attendant let go and I stood rubbing my arm. She had backed away, but as I looked around all the flight attendants were standing in the aisles looking at me. I heard a male voice behind me and turn around. He was dressed in a pilot's uniform. "Finally", I thought, "Someone to bring some order to this mad house."
He spoke, "She wants to know. She wants to know the truth." He handed me the full contract and I read the part that was tiny with a growing horror.
"No." I whispered at first. "No. No, not for some cell phone service. You can't do this!", I scream.
"I can." He said with a snarl. "I can and I did."
"I won't sign!" I yell in defiance. If I don't sign then he can't take the plane. He can't take my family.
If I don't sign he can't take the plane to hell. It is all or nothing.
"We have our ways to get what we want. We always get what we want." And he pointed at the flight attendants who morphed into minions of hell, red with wings and cloven hooves. I feel an overwhelming revulsion. Then the man behind me begins to laugh. It chills me to the marrow of my bones and I turn to see the devil himself standing before me.
"They sold their souls all to be without technology for a couple of hours." I stammer to myself as I wonder how long I will last.
