My Life as a Fruit Fly or My Time in the Gay Group

I am not here to be political or to sway any ones mind.  I am just surprised at what I am reading on Facebook about the issue of Gay Marriage.  I want to tell my story of living with a group of Homosexuals.  I want to tell of my observations and feelings.  I want to tell of my choice on how I ultimately decided to leave them.

I was recruited into Fashion Design College.  I never planned on going.  They made me an offer I couldn't refuse.  They paid for my first 3 semesters and gave me a scholarship on top of that, so I couldn't say no.

Well, 90% of the boys in the Fashion Design Group were gay.  I didn't have a problem with that considering I had just come home from a religious mission 6 months before.  To me it was just another barrier.  I again had a terrible time making friends because most of the people in that school were straight out of High school and 19 years old.  I was 24 by this time and I had changed what I wanted out of life.  I had nothing in common with the people at school and so I had no interest in them.  I mean all they talked about was going to the bar and getting drunk.

So How did I end up being surrounded by a group of gay guys?  It happened before I blinked an eye.

There was a certain flamboyant young man in my pattern drafting class named Glen.  After watching him and bumping into each other at the sewing machines I thought I could ask him my question.

I walked up to him and flat out asked "Why do you like to sleep with men?"  I was genuinely curious.  I wondered why he wanted to be with other men.  He did not answer me, but he did think I was incredibly awesome for asking the question.  From then on I became his pet.  He started to introduce me to all of his friends and then all of his friend thought I was totally cool and began inviting me places.

I went from sitting alone in the cafeteria to being surrounded by guys.  It was quite mind-boggling to me and I loved it.  Except they would do things that I didn't agree with.  I could forgive the drug use and the drinking.  Everyone did that, but I wasn't going to imbibe with them.  It started out as little things that I did not agree with, then grew into some biggies

I went to a club with them.  That was when I found out that I was a Fruit Fly or Fag Hag.  I wasn't into that label, but that was also when I found out that I was suppose to be the go between for others to hook up with the guys in my group.  So a nice gentleman started talking to me asking about Chet.  Oh, dear Chet he was truly messed up and he admitted that to me.  Poor Chet, He was tied down and raped by an older man.  He never got over it and craved gay sex from then on.  Chet was as close to a straight man as you could get and he slept with a lot of people, almost every night.  So this man was interested in Chet and instead of talking to Chet he came to me and asked if I would pass on a message.  Being my naive self I said "sure" and passed the message on.  Then I walked between them unknowingly setting up a hook up.  When we left the club I saw Chet making out with this strange man.  I was upset because you just don't do that!  It doesn't matter if you are gay or not.  I asked if we were taking Chet home.  The other guys said no, just leave them alone.  But I argued.  You don't leave anyone alone after being in a club to have sex with a stranger.  You just don't, but they told me to get in the car because he would be alright.  I didn't protest because I saw this behaviour was part of their culture, so I went home with them.  I never liked that experience.  I never liked that thinking.

The thing is they accepted me more than anyone I have every meet in any group.  Not even my own Church members had treated me with such "love" and I would come home every weekend complaining to my one friend as to why it felt so loving, even though they were behaving in ways I did not agree with.  She was an amazing sounding board and just let me talk.

Finally they asked me to be gay.  "Come on Rebecca, come be a sister, not a cousin."  I laughed in their face, not from contempt, but because the idea was so ridiculous to me.  Six months earlier I had lived with my companions.  I knew I could not have a relationship with another woman.  I answered back,  "What are you talking about!  I can barely stand girls.  I could never date one.  I never understand the games they play." "But you could be the lipstick lesbian""Oh, so you want me dating a butch looking woman?  No thank you."  And that ended the conversation, but when I was with the group they managed to convince 3 guys and 2 girls that they were gay in a 4 month period.  You know I understand. If you are on the fringe and someone is really, really nice to you then I see how a person can fall in with whatever lifestyle.  But the point is that they were recruited and convinced that they were homosexual.  That really bothered me.  I don't like any ones choice being taken away like that, no matter what.

I want you reading this to know that almost everyone of those poor boys came knocking on my dorm room door to talk to me alone.  I had tried to get to know every one of them on a personal level.  I wanted to know their background and what they thought and believed.   And each one of those young men admitted to me that they had been molested, mostly by their father's and my heart broke for them.  They had experienced a pain that I did not know about and they wanted more than anything to be loved.  Each one of them, independent of the others, told me they did not want to be gay.  I said that they didn't have to engage in the behaviour.  I told them they had free choice and did not have to live the lifestyle if they did not want too.  But the perceived love of the group was too much for them to resist and I understood because even though I would not join completely I still understood that need for someone to love you.  I understood what it was to give up yourself for just a taste of something pure.  The problem was the more I learned about what they did, the worse I felt.

One person, a little outside of the group because of his age, had been involved in the lifestyle for years.  It was through him I learned of some horrible dirty behaviours.  He would leave school and I innocently asked, "Where is R**.""He went to an Orgy.""Um, What?""Yeah, He gets together with a bunch of guys and they have sex all weekend."  OK. I could deal with the the truth of the sex party.  It was outside my thinking and experience, but here is the kicker.  I knew that man had AIDS.  I never cared that he had AIDS, but I was informed by others that he did not like to wear a condom.  I feared for the men in his sex group.  What if there was someone trying this experience for the first time?  Plus I knew from the others in this group that he had tried to have sex with all of them with out telling them of his sickness.  And some had done other forms of sex with him. I was disgusted with this man's choice to inflict that kind of pain and suffering on others just for his own satisfaction.  That was when I saw the horrible darkness their choices held.

My friend had just had her 2nd child and thank goodness she was willing to tell me the nitty-gritty of being married and the reality of sexual relations.  She opened my eyes to the astounding work involved with trying to be committed to another person.  She spent hours talking to me and I want to thank her in this public form because she showed me the sharp contrast between her life and my life within the gay group. I badly needed that reality check.  I should thank her husband also, because he let me have her attention at a critical point.  I saw that those young men were not offering me love, but a counterfeit version of it.  They were offering me sex.  Maybe not from them, but they wanted me to do their same actions.

The homosexuals had no understanding of the power of sex to bind two people together.  Sex, to them, is for pleasure.  And unfortunately, as they got deeper into sex it had to become much more dirty and quite disgusting to have the same thrill.  I am not a prude and they felt comfortable telling stories to me.  One guy told me of his flirting while taking a shower at his gym.  They were doing motions to one another and he would demonstrate to me the actions. I was not impressed when he finished by saying that they had both masturbated in front of each other.  I was turned off by that, but he was so proud of himself, he had to tell anyone who would listen.  Thankfully I had my friends example to look at and her telling me of the power of a sexual relationship and I decided that I wanted that way of being instead.

But hasn't that thinking bled into our everyday lives.  Isn't everyone on TV and in movies sleeping with one another after just meeting each other!  I know that the drug use of the 60's and the invention of birth control has added to the promiscuous nature of our relationships, but I also know that if a girl has a homosexual friend, I can guarantee that he is telling her to sleep with the guy instead of holding off until she has formed a real connection.  And I know that he tells her when things get rocky, to drop that man and get a new one because that is what they told each other. Hook ups were rampant and relationships lasted a couple of weeks at the most.  Everyone sleeps with everyone and for once I was glad to be out in the cold.   I lived with this thinking.  They are very good at presenting a pretty picture for a short amount of time, but I saw the reality of their nature.

I moved in with one of the guys from the group called Cher.  I thought he loved me.  Not in a romantic way, but more than a friend.  I told him from the beginning that I had my hangups and that he could not have alcohol or drugs in the apartment and if he hooked up with someone to please take that somewhere else.  He couldn't do it, he was totally unable to kept the place that I lived a sanctuary.  I started to notice how our decisions clashed with one another.  I had less to do with the group.  I left him because he was stagnant.  He did not do anything to better himself.  He did not reach for anything, all he wanted was a straight man to love him and to look young and pretty.  I wanted the same thing but it didn't mean that I would stop progressing or stop making myself better.  He wanted to stay the same and I couldn't live that way.  So we split the apartment, since I went home, he had it those days and I had it when I came back.  By the time I graduated I had one friend at school left, but I loved my one friend.

I did love my boys.  They were kind and accepting towards me.  I hold them no ill-will, but it is just not correct that they be married.  If what they are offering is considered "love", then we are in big trouble as a society because I am here to tell you from personal experience that what they are offering is not "love".  I am grateful for my experience and that I was able to know those young men on on a personal level.  I felt their hurt.  I felt their desire to be truly loved and I mourned for their inability to reach for a higher state of being.  I do not agree with being mean to them or any of the hurtful things that has been done in the name of religion, but more importantly I do not condone their behaviour.  I love them.  I really do.  But I DO NOT condone their behaviour.

I am so sorry that a lot of Heterosexuals don't hold the importance of marriage close to themselves anymore.  But just because Heteros aren't respecting marriage that doesn't change the sacred nature of the institution.

I have meet many non-practicing Homosexuals.  I admire those men greatly.  They aren't hiding behind a Heterosexual marriage.  They accept that they have to change their action in order to become a better more well rounded person.  I can't help but think how much in common I have with the non-practicing gay as a spinster woman.  I wanted to get married, but instead of not being interested in the opposite sex, the opposite sex wasn't interested in me.  I have still stuck to my beliefs and standards, waiting for the day I can take the next step.  I feel that is the same for the non-practicing gay.  Some day we will get the love that we truly want, but in the mean time we are willing to wait for what we really desire.

These individuals may not have a choice in the way they feel.  To have the burden of being attracted to someone of the same sex is not a trial I wish to undertake.  But these individuals do have a choice in how they act.  And for better or worst their decisions affect the rest of us.