I was Blind (literaly), but now I See

I am having a terrible time writing this story down. I guess because I let this life altering situation be pushed down as far into the recesses of my brain as possible.  The thing is I really want to praise the Doctor.  I can not say that about very many in the medical field, but this Doctor deserves the praise.

For a month in 2010...
I was completely blind.

It started in California.  I did not know a side affect of my kidney's failing is having too much liquid build up inside.  I have since figured out that when I lie down the fluid overtakes my lungs and would cause a horrible cough that would then lead to throwing up a clear liquid.  I would tell the Doctors and they would say I ate something wrong, but I would plead with them that it wasn't coming from my stomach.  I even threw up in front of them at an appointment and they just passed it off.  I can't tell you how angry I have become with the Doctor's lack of treatment. 

But I tell you about the cough because that is what I was doing when I opened my eyes and the right eye was dark.  I freaked and called my Doctor who then refereed me to her cousin or something.  I was not impress with him.  He got me in aand took a look at my eye.  I couldn't see because it was blocked by blood caused by my diabetes.  I needed laser eye surgery.  I had to give him $2,000 right on the spot and he scheduled me an appointment.  I had to learn to do my every day life with one eye.  It was weird, but I adapted.  I tried not to drive very far.  I couldn't find new places because I could not see the writing on the street signs, white on green may work at night, but I could not see it during the day.  I don't know how I found the Doctors office at all.

So I had the surgery in the office.  It hurt so bad!  It was like he was poking a red hot screwdriver point into a sore blood vessel.  It was so bad the assistant was trying to hold my head in the laser eye contraception because every time he did a blast my head would jerk back in reaction to the pain.  Finally he gave me a heavy duty pain killer that numbed up the side of my face.

He finished and said proudly to me.  "I did over 11 hundred blasts to fix the problem."  'Is that a lot?" "Normally I only do 500."  I left his office, not feeling any better and not seeing any better.  I don't think he did a thing because it never got better.  I just got used to having one eye.

So in the midst of this I moved to Virginia.  I really was willing to accept my fate.  I was in debt up past my eyeballs from my hospital stays and I moved to live with my parents because I had no job, no money, no home and no insurance.  I don't see any way of getting out of here.

So while here in Virginia I woke up to a coughing fit and as I coughed I saw something in my other eye break and a flood of black liquid poofed over my vision.  After 2 months in Virginia I was blind.

You couldn't tell because I wouldn't ask for help.  My incredible memory kicked in and I could manage because I remembered where everything in my house was.  I also had a tiny strip of vision in one eye.  It was like looking under a closed door.  It really wasn't much, but I could fit the fleeting shapes into the context of my memory and figure out what I wanted to know, but I had to rely on my mother for everything.  I couldn't take care of any mail.  I couldn't call the numbers on the papers because I couldn't see them.  I couldn't cook or really get myself any food.  I wondered more than once how I would survive going blind permanently.  My parents are getting bad in the sight and hearing area because of older age.  Sometime it feels like my conversations with my mother are a surreal comedy routine, only nobody is laughing. 

You know the worst part about being blind?  It was so boring!  Everything I do to entertain myself requires sight.  There was no way I could sew or do any kind of quilting.  I could not see the computer at all, so anything I did on the Internet was out, not to mention playing games.  Forget about reading.  That is one of my loves and since going blind I just can't be bothered.  Even with my vision back(sort of) it is so painful to read that the story needs to be very good for me to try to tackle it.  I finally found a knitting kit that I could do by feel.  I would sit in a chair listening to the TV while working on a scarf. 

How do the blind do it?  People are so mean!  I would get yelled at about being slow.  I would get yelled at for being stupid.  People need to learn how to be patient.  If they made me really mad I would turn around and yell at them, "I'm Blind!'  Oh, and then they would be nice.  I wanted a white cane just so people would leave me alone.

So,  my mother asked around at church for a good eye Doctor.  Now I don't know if it was luck or the intervening of angels, but it just so happen that a women in our ward(congregation) had her retinas come loose and she praise her Doctor for saving her sight.  I wasn't going to argue about going to the Doctor.  I thought it was hopeless since I didn't have any money or insurance, but I was willing to try.  I didn't like being blind.  So we made the hour long drive to Lynchberg, Va to meet with the retina specialist Dr. Vogel.

I do not click very well with people, but we were laughing and talking in that first appointment.  By the end after he laid every out for me and I laid everything out for him,  he said. "I am not going to let a girl in her thirty's lose her sight over money, not when I can do something to prevent it.  I will do my work for free."  I can't express in words what that was like to hear.  Doctors have been so heartless and cruel to me all my life.  I did not expect Dr. Vogel to be any different, but here he was willing to give me my sight back.  He should be praised and thanked.

He had to do major work on my right eye, the one that went bad in California.  I think that other Doctor made things worse.  It turned out that my retinas tore.  He said it was a common occurrence for the shape of my eyes.  This problem had nothing to do with my diabetes.  I went into the hospital for the 3rd time.  When he was done with the procedures.  I could see these perfect round dots in my vision.  It looked like a quilt.  I thought, "Oh, No!  I wouldn't be able to live like this." But my eye adapted and I feel like I see fine.  He worked on the other eye in the office and I would have to drive up for my treatments, but we had so much fun at each visit that I looked forward to the appointments.  Now that is shocking.

My vision is still poor compared to others, but I really have learned how to live with it.  I have a large screen computer monitor and I have to take off my glasses to read small print, but my parents still ask me what things say when written in small print.  I haven't tried to drive.  I have a hard time with depth perception.  I don't live a normal 9 to 5 life, so I don't feel where I am lacking.

I love Dr. Vogel for saving my precious sight.  I got a bill from his office.  I was freaking out because I didn't have any money, but I was going to do everything I could to pay him.  I open the envelope to find the list of procedures and there costs.  I almost had a heart attack when I saw the total was over $10,000.  What would I do?  Then I came to what I owe him and it was $8.  I put that money in the mail so fast, it would make your head spin.  I even joked with him that I had to use a stamp to send him that money and he took the price of the stamp off my next bill!

We need more great men like that.  I am so grateful that Dr. Vogel, just a recommendation from an acquaintance, could change my life so dramatically.  I made this quilt to say thank you.  It is from Beatle fabric.  I had it professionally quilted with peace signs.  I keep trying to send it to Dr. Vogel, but my mother likes it so much she doesn't want to give it up.  I guess I will have to give it to him at an appointment.

Thank you Dr Vogel!  You are the best!